English 112


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Style

Writing is a science and an art. As a science, writing entails that you use the correct words, not the wrong words, and that you compose grammatically correct sentences, rather than incorrect ones. (This is called "mechanics" in your Five Qualities of Good Writing.) This side of writing constitutes a clear right and wrong.

But there is another side to composing an essay or any kind of writing - the artistic side. As an art, like any art, writing offers many choices: which words to use, how to structure your sentences, what details and facts to put in your essay. For example, if you were painting a picture of a bowl of fruit, you could paint it very realistically, with clear sharp lines and details, or you could paint it impressionistically, with bright unrealistic colors and blurry lines and details. There are many other ways that you could portray the bowl of fruit as you see it. It is your judgment call as to how you choose to paint your bowl of fruit, just as it is your judgment as to how you choose to arrange your words out of the many grammatically correct choices you have for that arrangement. Your choice will be influenced by many things: the nature of your audience (who is reading your essay?), the purpose of your essay (what are you trying to accomplish?), and even, your personality and skills (writing is form of self-expression that varies with each writer).

How you choose to arrange your words and sentences, and what words you use, is called "style." Although you will have to consider audience and purpose, there is still much freedom in your choice of style for your writing. But even within the broad landscape of freedom that style affords, there are still better choices and worse choices to make. Listed below are some characteristics of good style under any circumstances. In other words, for any audience or purpose or kind of writer, one should still strive for the following qualities in their writing:


Avoiding Wordiness - Redundancy
Avoiding Wordiness - Empty Words
Using Exact Words
Levels of Formality
Avoiding Wordiness - Pomposity
Avoiding Wordiness - Doublespeak
Avoiding Wordiness - Rewriting Sentences
Variety of Sentence Structure
Examples and Links to Wordiness

Avoiding Wordiness - Redundancy

Repetition - Some phrases are repetitious, or redundant, such as:

  • "circle around" (if you go in a circle, you go around)

  • "blue in color" (blue is of course a color)

  • "rectangular in shape" (rectagular IS a shape)

  • "final conclusion" (a conclusion IS final)

  • "This paper is about" or "My paper will discuss" (if you are writing it, it is about that)

  • "I believe that" or "I think that" (if you are writing the sentence or idea, you believe or think it)

Nominalizations - Avoid making a verb into a noun, then adding other, less active verbs to support the noun. For example:

Make a discovery of    =     discover
Perform an analysis of    =     analyze
Take action on    =     act
Create a reduction in    =     reduce
Engage in preparation    =     prepare

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Avoiding Wordiness - Empty Words

"To be" forms - Avoid using ANY form of the verb "to be," such as: is, are, was, were, am, been, being. Of course, you can't avoid "to be" altogether, but many times writers use its forms unnecessarily. To be is an empty verb: When you say "run" or "study" or "jump," a picture comes into your mind. When you say "is," nothing comes into mind. "To be" is a linking verb that does not convey any particular action or meaning; it merely denotes equivalency, like using an equals sign (=). For example, to say "Bob is a truck driver" is the same thing as saying "Bob = truck driver." Better to say, "Bob, the truck driver, drove to San Francisco."


Expletive Phrases - Phrases like "It is" or "There are" have no real meaning or content. When you hear the word "tree" or "sun," you picture something in your mind. When you hear the word "it" or "there," what pops into your head? Right - nothing! Combining an empty pronoun with a "to be" form creates a double wordiness error! Examples of wordy combinations you should avoid include the following:

Empty Pronoun

It
There
This
That

To Be Form

is
was
were
are
will be
am

So, for example:

    • Instead of saying, "It is a sunny day. Let's go swimming," you might say, "Let's go swimming on this sunny day," or, "Because of the sunny day, we should go swimming."

    • Instead of "There are twenty students in English 112," you might say, "Twenty students enrolled in English 112."

Passive Voice - Passive Voice slows down your writing and creates wordiness. Passive voice is created when the REAL actual subject of the sentence is made passive by becoming a GRAMMATICAL object. The actual object becomes the grammatical subject. An example:

"The ball was hit by the boy."

       is a passive version of:

"The boy hit the ball."

In the passive (first) sentence, the ball, which in real life is being hit, is made the subject of the verb instead of the object. The real life subject, the boy, is now passive and becomes the object of an added preposition (which is often not even present in a passive sentence). A "to be" verb ("is" or "was" or "were") must be added to the verb to make the verb passive.

There are some occasions when passive voice is desired - for example, if you don't know the subject of the verb, or if the subject of the verb is less important than its object. For example:

"52,000 soldiers were killed in Vietnam."

Note the addition of "were" and that it was not really the 52,000 soldiers doing the actual killing; they were the ones being killed (passive). However, in this case, what is important, what we want to emphasize, is the number of soldiers, not who did the killing (the real subject) (which we may not even know).

Intensifiers - Intensifiers are adverbs that intensify the adjective or adverb that they describe but don't really convey any meaning. They include words such as:

  • really

  • very

  • mostly

  • extremely

  • incredibly

These words are too vague and general to convey any specific meaning. What is the difference between "It is hot today," and "It is VERY hot today?" Ten degrees? Twenty degrees? Is "hot" below 80 degrees and "very hot" above 80? The answer is different for different people, and so intensifiers convey little meaning. Omit them. Instead, you can give your reader an exact number (such as, 95 degrees), or you can at least describe more specifically, such as: "Today was so hot my lipstick melted in my purse when I left it in the car."


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Using Exact Words



Specific Words:

Use the more specific and exact word to convey your meaning. For example:

    Vague: It is hot today.
    More Exact: Is it warm, balmy, sweltering, sizzling, muggy, scorching, or something else?

    Vague: My boss was mad.
    More Exact: Was he annoyed, irritated, frustrated, furious, livid, irate, fuming, cross, incensed, enraged, or something else?

See also Specificity for more discussions of use of specific words.

Connotation of Words:

Use words that have an exact and correct connotation. Denotation is the exact dictionary definition of a word; connotation is the emotional implications and associations that have arisen with the word as it has been used in our language over the years. For example, the following word pairs and trios have the same or very similar DENOTATIONS, but very different CONNOTATIONS.

  • house/home

  • father/daddy

  • cheap/inexpensive

  • wise/intelligent/intellectual

  • quiet/shy/timid

Correct Words:

Sometimes writers just simply use the wrong word because the word sounds similar or looks similar to another word - but in reality the words have absolutely nothing to do with each other. You've just used the wrong word. Here are some common examples; there are many more:

  • allude/elude

  • allusion/illusion

  • bare/bear

  • capital/capitol

  • dairy/diary

  • envelop/envelope

  • fair/fare

  • formally/formerly

  • gorilla/guerilla

  • hole/whole

  • its/it's

  • later/latter

  • loose/lose

  • moral/morale

  • hear/here

  • passed/past

  • patience/patients

  • personal/personnel

  • presence/presents

  • principle/principal

  • right/rite/write

  • than/then

  • their/there/they're

  • to/too/two

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Levels of Formality

Language has varied levels of formality, just as, for instance, fashion does. Informal clothes, such as a T-shirt and jeans, are fine to wear to a baseball game; for an event such as a state dinner or ball, one would wear more formal clothes -- a tuxedo or sequined gown. Choose the level of formality of your language that is appropriate for the communication occasion.

Informal or Colloquial:

Informal language is appropriate when talking to close friends or, when writing, a casual letter. A novelist might have his characters speak in informal language to convey characterization. Informal language often uses slang expressions and may often have speech characteristics of a particular region or cultural group. For example:

These guys really stink. Let's ditch this gig.

Medium:

Also known as "standard English," medium formality is language free from idioms, slang, and other expressions characteristic of any specific cultural group. You may often use medium levels of formality in speaking situations as well, but these are usually more formal situations than those with your close friends; they include speaking at work or in the classroom. Medium levels of formality are usually considered appropriate for your papers and essays.

The band doesn't play very well. Let's see if we can find something else to do.

Highly Formal:

You will usually find highly formal writing in academic papers or highly specialized academic books; rarely is it ever spoken. Usually, however, for your college papers you will probably not use an extremely high level of formality - somewhere between medium and highly formal is fine.

Clearly the instrumentation is lacking, thus providing little musical satisfaction. Shall we depart the venue in favor of alternative forms of amusement?

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Avoiding Wordiness - Pomposity

Don't use an inflated, pompous word when a simpler word will do. Sometimes, the simpler, plainer way of speaking is far more exact and clear. It's your job as writer to make the reader's job easier by being concise and exact in your communication. Below are some famous proverbs that have been rewritten - can you decipher them? They sound grandiose and eloquent, but are they communicating clearly? Does the reader have to puzzle over what they are really saying? If so, you may not have done a very good job of communicating clearly.

1) There is no recognition of injustice in the pursuit of amorousness or bellicosity.

2) It appears that diminutive vessels frequently possess aural appendages of magnitude.

3) Removal of an object from one's field of vision frequently results in the cessation of cerebration regarding said object.

4) It is recommended that one not enumerate his domestic fowl preceding the occurrence of the actual termination of the incubation period.

5) Every supra-terrestial body of water vapor has an integument of a white metallic element capable of high polish.

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Avoiding Wordiness - Doublespeak

William Lutz, Chairman, English Dept., Rutgers University:

Doublespeak is language that pretends to communicate but really doesn't. It is language that makes the bad seem good, the negative appear positive, the unpleasant appear attractive or at least tolerable. Doublespeak is language that avoids or shifts responsibility, language that is at variance with its real or purported meaning. It is language that conceals or prevents thought; rather than extending thought, doublespeak limits it.

Source: Double-Speak by William Lutz HarperPerennial edition published in 1990


The term "doublespeak" originated from and was made famous by author George Orwell (1984, Animal Farm) in his essay, "Politics and the English Language" written in 1946. For more discussion of doublespeak, see also: Doublespeak Examples and Jokes, and Doublespeak - Center for Media and Democracy. (For a list of Orwell's complete works, see: George Orwell).

An example of political use of doublespeak by Newt Gingrich, former Speaker of the U.S. House of Representatives from 1995-1999; this memo was to GOPAC, a political action committee for which Gingrich was a major advisor:

"Language: A Key Mechanism of Control" - (Newt Gingrich's 1996 GOPAC memo):


As you know, one of the key points in the GOPAC tapes is that "language matters." In the video "We are a Majority," Language is listed as a key mechanism of control used by a majority party, along with Agenda, Rules, Attitude and Learning. As the tapes have been used in training sessions across the country and mailed to candidates we have heard a plaintive plea: "I wish I could speak like Newt." That takes years of practice. But, we believe that you could have a significant impact on your campaign and the way you communicate if we help a little. That is why we have created this list of words and phrases. This list is prepared so that you might have a directory of words to use in writing literature and mail, in preparing speeches, and in producing electronic media. The words and phrases are powerful. Read them. Memorize as many as possible. And remember that like any tool, these words will not help if they are not used. While the list could be the size of the latest "College Edition" dictionary, we have attempted to keep it small enough to be readily useful yet large enough to be broadly functional. The list is divided into two sections: Optimistic Positive Governing words and phrases to help describe your vision for the future of your community (your message) and Contrasting words to help you clearly define the policies and record of your opponent and the Democratic party. Please let us know if you have any other suggestions or additions. We would also like to know how you use the list. Call us at GOPAC or write with your suggestions and comments. We may include them in the next tape mailing so that others can benefit from your knowledge and experience.


Optimistic Positive Governing Words

Use the list below to help define your campaign and your vision of public service. These words can help give extra power to your message. In addition, these words help develop the positive side of the contrast you should create with your opponent, giving your community something to vote for!

active(ly)     activist     building     candid(ly)     care(ing)     challenge     change     children     choice/choose     citizen     commitment     common sense     compete     confident     conflict     control     courage     crusade     debate     dream     duty     eliminate good-time in prison     empower(ment)     fair     family     freedom     hard work     help     humane     incentive     initiative     lead     learn     legacy     liberty     light     listen     mobilize     moral     movement     opportunity     passionate     peace     pioneer     precious     premise     preserve     principle(d)     pristine     pro- (issue): flag, children, environment, reform     prosperity     protect     proud/pride     provide     reform     rights     share     strength     success     tough     truth     unique     vision     we/us/our    

Contrasting Words

Often we search hard for words to define our opponents. Sometimes we are hesitant to use contrast. Remember that creating a difference helps you. These are powerful words that can create a clear and easily understood contrast. Apply these to the opponent, their record, proposals and their party.

abuse of power     anti- (issue): flag, family, child, jobs     betray     bizarre     bosses     bureaucracy     cheat     coercion     "compassion" is not enough     collapse(ing)     consequences     corrupt     corruption     criminal rights     crisis     cynicism     decay     deeper     destroy     destructive     devour     disgrace     endanger     excuses     failure (fail)     greed     hypocrisy     ideological     impose     incompetent     insecure     insensitive     intolerant     liberal     lie     limit(s)     machine     mandate(s)     obsolete     pathetic     patronage     permissive attitude     pessimistic     punish (poor ...)     radical     red tape     self-serving     selfish     sensationalists     shallow     shame     sick     spend(ing)     stagnation     status quo     steal     taxes     they/them     threaten     traitors     unionized     urgent (cy)     waste     welfare    

Here are some links to articles about doublespeak in life today, from Bill Grigsby, Eastern Oregon University (http://www.eou.edu/socprob/index.html):

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Avoiding Wordiness - Rewriting Sentences

Empty Nouns
and Pronouns

It
There
This
That
nature
basis
aspect
fact
process
method
case
area
component
state

Some Prepositions

about
above
across
after
against
along
among
around
at
before
behind
below
by
despite
since
until

during
except
for
from
in
into
like
near
of
off
on
out
over
regarding
through
to
with

Prepositional phrases are often wordy and can be re-written much more concisely by eliminating the preposition and using the object of the preposition as an adjective. For example, the phrase: "The hat of the girl" can be rewritten: "The girl's hat." Or, the "The football of the boy" can be rewritten: "The boy's football." When prepositions have an empty noun or pronoun as their object, the entire phrase can be eliminated as it says nothing. For example, a phrase such as: "In the case of the aspect of this component..." is a string of three prepositions with three empty nouns (case, aspect, and component refer convey no content or information, really). Eliminate all of it.

Directions: Rewrite the following sentences, reducing wordiness by eliminating unnecessary prepositions and empty words such as those listed above. Also use the other techniques for reducing wordiness that we have discussed. Your new sentences should be half the length as the ones below, and convey the same amount of information.

1. The clothing industry, being of a highly productive nature, has enormously increased its efficiency.

2. It is hoped that the teachers will minimize the aspect of failure.

3. However, Mayo Hall, like other residence halls, protects its members on a constructive basis.

4. Yet the South is in state of change in the area of basic values.

5. One type of situation where this component becomes important is in the case of a group that is fighting for civil rights.

6. Another source of stimulation in the area of Social Science has been the introduction of new subject matter.

7. They are also watching to see if we succeed in solving our own problem areas.

8. Despite the fact that Daisy did not have the loose morals of aspect of Marie, she was nonetheless a useless woman.

9. The grammar is being withheld until the children are older, but they are learning the spoken aspect of the language during these early formative years.

10. This cuts down the feeling of embarassment on the part of students and encourages class discussion.

XC. We respectfully petition, request, and entreat that due and adequate provision be made, this day and the date herinafter subscribed for the satisfying of this petitioner's nutritional requirements and for the organizing of such methods as may be deemed necessary and proper to assure the reception by and for said petitioner of such quantities of baked cereal products as shall, in the judgmeent of the aforesaid petitioner, constitute a sufficient supply thereof.




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Variety of Sentence Structure

Vary and Tighten Your Sentences: Your sentences should be varied. Do not use all simple sentences (Subject - Verb - Object format) such as: "I went to the store. I bought some milk. I went home." Simple sentences such as these are boring and repetitious, become wordy (repeating "I" each time is unnecessary), and sound like a first grader wrote them. Make your sentences interesting by beginning with alternative grammatical constructions to the simple subject and verb. Vary them by making them compound or complex sentences. Examples of varied grammatical constructions include:

  • prepositions phrases: At the store, I bought some milk. Then I went home.

  • participial or gerund phrases: Buying milk at the store, I then went home and drank it.

  • subordinate clauses: When I went to the store, I bought the milk and then went home. or: Before I went home, I bought the milk at the store.

  • relative clauses: I bought the milk, which was at the store, then I went home.

  • compound predicates: I went to the store, bought the milk, and went home.

  • adjectives: I bought the store's milk and went home.


Sentence Variety/Emphasis - Additionally, when writing sentences, remember that the items that come first in the sentence will get the reader's attention the most, last items in the sentence will be of secondary interest, and items in the middle are often ignored and almost forgotten. Try memorizing a list of the capitals of US states and you will find this to be true. So put the most important items in your sentence first. For example:

Louisiana Governor Kathleen Blanco warned President Bush in an official letter of an impending Category Five hurricane named Katrina due to arrive in two days.

President Bush was warned in an official letter two days before landfall of an impending Category Five hurricane by the Louisiana Governor Blanco.

Two days before landfall, an official letter by Louisiana Governor Blanco warned President Bush of the impending Category Five Hurricane Katrina.

An impending Category Five hurricane named Katrina was announced to President Bush in an official letter by Louisiana Governor Blanco.


Sentence Length/Emphasis - Another technique used in good writing is to vary long sentences with short sentences. The short sentences will catch the reader's attention; put your important points, the ones you want to emphasize, in a short sentence surrounded by or following long sentences.


Assignment: All of the sentences below are simple sentences. Re-write the following sentences below as a whole paragraph (or paragraphs) - a contiguous story. Combine the sentences where applicable and get rid of the unnecessary words and phrases. Keep the same amount of information that the sentences below contain. You may add information - specific details as you see the need. Don't forget to finish the story!

Mary was a waitress.
She worked at a restaurant.
The restaurant's name was Rio Bravo.

She was not a good waitress.
She would forget customer orders.
She would get the orders mixed up.
She was very slow.
She would drop customoer orders in their laps.

The customers were not happy.
They got angry.
They complained to the manager.

The manager knew he had to fire Mary.
She had worked their six months.
She was not improving at her job.

The manager was spineless wimp.
He did not want to fire Mary.
He was afraid.
She might cry.
She might get angry.
He dreaded this confrontation.
He knew he had to do it.

He called Mary into his office.
He said, "Mary, I have bad news."
He did not look at Mary.
Mary said, "What?"
He told her he had to fire her.
He told her why.
He told her he was sorry.

(Now write Mary's reaction:)

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Examples of Wordiness and Links to More Information

http://owl.english.purdue.edu/owl/resource/573/01
http://owl.english.purdue.edu/handouts/general/gl_concise.html
http://www.wm.edu/hwrc/worksheetspdf/wordiness.pdf
http://www.howewriteyouare.com/articles/eliminatewordiness_0203.html
http://people.clarkson.edu/~wcenter/files/guides/elim_wordiness.doc
http://www.guilford.edu/services/index.cfm?ID=700003890
http://www.plainlanguage.gov/examples/before_after/index.cfm
http://www.plainlanguage.gov/examples/before_after/wordiness.cfm
http://www.engl.niu.edu/sourcebook/concision.html
http://ace.acadiau.ca/english/grammar/wordiness.htm
http://www2.gsu.edu/~accerl/wordiness/WO.html
http://www.unc.edu/depts/wcweb/handouts/word_choice.html
http://www.dvc.edu/english/Learning_Resources/CorrectingWordiness.htm
http://grammar.ccc.commnet.edu/grammar/concise.htm
http://instruct1.cit.cornell.edu/courses/taresources/JBergertips.pdf
http://instruct1.cit.cornell.edu/courses/taresources/JBergertips.pdf
http://staff.washington.edu/emccord/helper.pdf
http://www.lorraineheath.com/articles/btb_weak.htm
http://cla.calpoly.edu/~jrubba/Editing_tips.html
http://leo.stcloudstate.edu/style/sentencev.html
http://www.asu.edu/duas/wcenter/variety.html
http://jade.ccccd.edu/cobb/sentences.html
http://www.wonderfulwritingskillsunhandbook.com/html/sentence_variety.html
http://owl.english.purdue.edu/handouts/general/gl_sentvar.html
http://www.essayedge.com/contentpartners/course/lf_variety.html
http://www.pbs.org/marktwain/learnmore/writings_fenimore.html


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Copyright(c) 2002 by Karey Perkins / E-mail: karey1@charter.net